Here I am in Canada and I feel so far away

WELL now.

After a 5-month adventure and a 9 hour-ish plane ride, I have returned to my homeland.

AND I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE!!!!!

Pssssshhhhhhh. Totally. Not. This picture pretty much captures how I feel right now, and how I felt the whole live-long day. I think I made every single flight attendant uncomfortable, since I was bawling every time they tried to serve me water. Really, if I cry anymore, I will probably turn into a shrivelled raisin.

Mind you, there were some beautiful points throughout the day.

It was SO good to see my sisters and my Dad after all this time being away, as well as one set of grandparents who came over for dinner. My friends Bobby and Natalie showed up at my door by surprise tonight, and it was nice to sit under a massively blossomed tree in my old backyard next to a bonfire.


My papa gave me a good laugh as well.

"Have you heard of that singer...Lady...Gaga?"

Love it.

"She doesn't have the prettiest derriera...not like your Nana's anyway!"

Ah, yes, I missed my grandparents :)

But I feel so far away from Arhus and I don't like it.

I just left it this morning - THIS morning - but Denmark and all it's memories are feeling more like a dream right now. While I've been gone and seen big chunks of the world, Georgetown has remained the same...almost painfully the same, which makes it hard to imagine that I've been gone for so long and experienced so much.

I went for a walk with my sisters after dinner, and we ran into someone I knew from highschool.

"How was Europe?!" he asked.

...I really don't even know how to respond to that. Maybe give me a week and I try and describe just a little piece of it.

"AH, man, it was AMAZING," I said. "...Where are you guys headed?"

"Hmmm, I don't know, maybe Tim Hortons."

But, of course.

Barf.

I want to wander to the Colliseum, not Tim's for a doughnut.

Also, the toilets are weird here. They take a long time to flush and there is so much water in the bowl.

And the outlets are 3-pronged.

The tap water tastes different.

They don't accept my kroners at Metro.

There is no cobblestone on the streets.

And Canada is annoyingly obnoxious. All the cars are big and loud and the grocery store aisles scream at you.

In Denmark, if Netto could speak, it would say, "This is what you need, so we'll just take the space we need to provide you with it."

Here, Metro would yell in your face, "TAKE ALL YOU WANT!!! SPEND MONEY ON NEEDLESS THINGS! AREN'T THESE AISLES RAVISHING AND ELEGANT???"

But what's most heart-wrenching is that Kristin, Marieke, Robert, Dave, Marije, Rui, Thorsten and a whole bunch of other amazing people are across the ocean. That makes me feel really sick. It's 4 in the morning there, but only 10 at night here. I feel like we're worlds away and I don't want memories to fade with this distance...

I was saying to my Mom while we were waiting in line at customs at the airport today that it's such a strange scenario: There I was in Denmark having thee best time of my life. I met people I really liked and I was genuinely happy. And then, all of a sudden life declares, "Now LEAVE! :D"

I know that's what life is, essentially. You meet people, you share rich experiences with one another, you grow, you learn, you laugh, you move on. But...WHY??? Why do we force ourselves to put an end to that type of happiness? I know that "real life" calls - like summer jobs and school obligations and previous routines - but why can't we just be brave and step out of that expected pattern of returning to them? Why can't we just be like, "CHYEA, let's keep this rad time GOING!"

Oh, man. This is life and what it does to you.

My "room" in this house looks like a tornado went through it.

I watched the TV group "farewell" video tonight (basically a 20-minute montage of the fantastical ridiculous-ness that are the internationals), and videos of us at the beach and in Slovakia. I craved to be back in that vibe.

I was happy with my family tonight, then unhappy again, then happy, then bewildered.

Where in the world am I???

It's so surreal to think that while I'm here baffled by life and being back in Canada, Arhus is still breathing back in Denmark. The buses will run the same way even with me here and people will still go on as they did today and last month and the months before.

Man...

I don't want to forget it...

but the good thing is that I think it would be impossible to.

I've been awake for a long time.

I'm going to bed on a mattress on the floor, but in my mind, I'm going to wake up in Skjoldhoj...

HOOOO, I wish that was the case.

That's ok. I've decided I will dream internationally instead.

It would be so nice to hear Marije bursting out into song in an editing room right now...

I want to be back on Risskov beach...

I miss you.

January 22, 2011

June 20, 2011

'Twas the night before hometime

I'm really frustrated.

It's the eve of my return home after 5 months of a semester exchange in Denmark...and I have no words.

I've actually been staring at this computer screen for more than an hour, typing, then backspacing, then adding a picture, then backspacing some more, then concluding to give up, then deciding to try again....

GRRRRGH.

This is annoying!!! It's my last night in Denmark...my last night in EUROPE!!! My last sleep on this little bed, my last night in Skjoldhoj Kollegiet, the last Last LAst LAST. Surely a scenario as epic as this would inspire at least one poetic paragraph of ultimate summation.

Alas, "totally not", as Marieke would say.

....

See, I just did it again. Half-sentence deletion.

I want to sum up this adventure in one post that makes you say "YES" but I don't know how right now.

Hmmmmmm man. How to say what I feel...

It's 12:15 p.m.

I'm sitting on the floor with my laptop propped up on a red crate.

In 12 hours, I will be on a plane bound for Toronto.

My room is empty, and now my mind is too.

I am floating in disbelief.

I feel unbalanced.

I feel pangs of anxiety.

I want us to remember what this feels like...the vibe of Skjoldhoj as the sun is setting and how the sand felt on our feet at 2:00 in the afternoon heat.

I want us to remember the look of the ocean at Risskov, but I don't want to put an ocean between us.

I feel emotionless, yet emotional.

I crave Marije's picnic table and the presence of everyone who sat around it.

I feel weirdly blank.

Normally I would play thee most sentimental, heart-wrenching song for a post like this. But I just feel like silence.

I feel like a lonely banana.

I feel like I'm just staring at things, not really thinking or feeling anything, but at the same time, everything.

I remember the first night here, back in the Hotel Ritz with my Dad snoring across the room, not knowing how in the world I would make it to the end.

Somehow, here I am.

.

?

Blub.

The time has come, the walrus said.

Goodnight, for the last time from Denmark.

Kristin and Kim say goodnight

Keisha left for home today, and since Kristin is her room mate, she moved out too...but into my room.

PARTAY IN KIMS ROOM!!! Or kind of. Kristin is currently falling asleep on a makeshift bed of couch mattresses.

One last day together in Oarhoos tomorrow, then its to SLOVAKIA on Saturday! EEE!

Love, peace and tak skal du have.

*

"Just kind of? I think its a real party" says Kristin, after coming over to read this. "And I'm not falling asleep. I'm going to the toilet."

Its morning elegance

Dave and I left downtown and headed home on our bikes at 3:30 a.m.

But on the way back to Skjoldhoj, we took a detour.

"Ever been up that hill?" Dave asked a we approached the massive mound of land that we always pass on this route.

"No!"

"Let's do it."

We walked our bikes up the gravel path, surrounded by grass on the steep surface. It's already light outside, but we have no where to be but our beds. I feel dizzy from gin and exhaustion. My legs are tired from pedaling in the morning hours. I feel excitement as we climb higher.

The birds are awake, telling us to be too.

We make it to the top.



Arhus from the top.

It's ours.

Breathe.

And again.

And again.

Smile.

Wind.

Drift -

to sleep.

At 5:13 in the morning.

I caught it -

this last big night in the city.

2 a.m. is the best time to write

It's 1:53 in the morning and I am currently sitting in my room listening to Her Morning Elegance while sitting in a polka-dot jumper and heels.

I came back from Marije's not too long ago, and since she's leaving tomorrow, she gave me a box of presents which included this fabulous clothing item of summery fun! It just seemed appropriate to try it on with the right shoes, so here I am, all dressed up with no place to go...except blogspot.com.

I realize I've been a tad silent this past week, but at this moment, I feel inspired to write! Cool thing.

It's not at ALL as if nothing blog-worthy had happened since my last post. The week started with a trip to Legoland, followed by consecutive days on the beach! The weather has been SO lovely this past week, so my freckles have sprouted. It's the summer, I tell you!

What's also lovely is that Christina so generously left me her bike when she went back to the States, so I've been biking around the city like I own it. OH yes! It's really so freeing to have a bike! I rather regret not investing in one before now, cuz when you have a great song playing on your ipod with the wind in your hair it's truly the most glorious thing.

A view of downtown, from ma bike :)

Legoland started a week of no-school Arhus hoppities!

Risskov Beach - a daily destination when it's sunny. It's very long, but not very wide, so at peak time you can become quite cozy with other beach-goers.
But there's something special about this spot that makes you want to stay there forever.

Canada, Australia, Sweden on a beach in Denmark. Yes.

Robin and I made thee most delicious dinner of cheesy-lentil-avacado-tomato-lovin'. YUMMAY!

Soccer at Skjoldhoj has become a favourite past time!
And as you can see, I am the best player. Obviously.

"The Last Night" - but really, every night has become the last night, since each time it's with one less person. Ha! I do love the fact though that I can still say "See you tomorrow" - we're not all gone yet!

...and these "last nights" keep us out until about 3:30 in the morning. But you wouldn't be able to tell - this is a picture of the sun RISING at that time!!!!!! Forget Canada, Scandinavia is the True North!

But you see, I am a bit delayed in showing and telling you these things because my mood lately, resulting from my thoughts, as consequence of the inevitable life path that we're heading down, has been an intricate mess of weighty emotions that have made it hard to gather the motivation to blog, and the ease of which to do it.

Since school ended last Friday, there has been basically one goodbye a day. It's been emotionally exHAUSting and incredibly eye-opening, as in, YES, there is an ending to this adventure.

From a class of 19, we're down to 9 people still kickin' in Aarhus. It's been so wierd watching the group get smaller and smaller around Marije's picnic table as the days go on. I knew that The End would come, but it seriously snuck up on me. I think you can even tell by my posts!! One day, I'm talking about the wonder that is Turkey, and the next, I'm typing in a state of depression. HA! How did this happen?

All of a sudden, Marieke is back in Belgium. Out of no where, it's time to take my suitcases off the top shelf of my closet and FILL them. In exactly 2 weeks, I will be back in Canada...

That is thee most unfathomable statement of 2011. HA! I honestly woke up this morning in an anxious panic at the thought. I just lay there, looked around my room, and was like, "Man."

I remember putting up pictures of home on my wall on my very first night in Skjoldhoj - soon I'll be taking them down.

It's wierd how an empty wall can stir up so much emotion. A bare wall is silent...innocent...yet its presence just yells at you, confirming that another chapter has ended and the comfort that you have found in a certain lifestyle is about to change...

But at the end of a chapter comes a new one, and I know that back in Toronto, I'll be putting my pictures back up! Only that time, the wall will be covered not with Toronto, but with Denmark.

With Turkey.

With Norway and Germany.

With Slovakia, Belgium, Sweden, Australia, Holland, Kenya, and Portugal!

:)

:D

Hmmmmmm.

5 months ago, I was sitting in a kitchen in Georgetown telling myself that the FUTURE me - the Kimberly in June - would be jealous of the Kimberly in January, who had yet to dive into the world on a semester exchange...





And it's all so beautifully overwhelming.

This week, I gotta start the packing thang, but there are still a couple of partays in the next couple of days, as well as ice cream shindigs by the canal before SLOVAKIA on Saturday!!!

But tomorrow, it's goodbye to Marije at 8:30 in the morning.

I think it's time I take off these heels and go to sleep. The sun is about to rise, afterall!

A song, a pic, and a foxy cartoon

Thursday, June 2, 2011.

A fantastically dancy Swedish discovery.

A whimsically perfect day on the beach.

A beautifully nostalgic viewing of the Disney version of Robin Hood with Dave.

Good day, good day.

2-wheeler playlist

10:15,
and back in my room.
A rainy day of walking,
but I want to ride.
Norway mits and sweatpants, I borrow Christina's bike to enjoy the night,
to clear my head of other things.
Faith Evans starts to sing
into this dusk adventure.

And again,

and again,

and again.

The song and sight create a rush,
despite the silence that's around me -
this scene, a song itself,
surprising me with its vibrant calm.

Along familiar paths I pedal through the gears,
cycling like I'm a kid who snuck out,
like I'm not supposed to be here,

but I am,

and even the cars can't argue with my smile.

I make it to the lot and sit in still air,
a continuous quiet that makes me think,

"It's June."

A countdown begins,
and I stare into an unlit lamp.
Yes, I'm here.

Soon there.

But the bike tells me to take a breath
and taste now,
while it's fresh
and full of LIFE.

Time to switch directions.

I get back in tune with the breeze
and pedal under an ocean,
floating in and out of pockets of light
creating auras around greener trees,
while even greener lights glow like faded neon
in a frozen sunset.
But the bike keeps moving forward

while at the same time,
I go back.

Man.
A motionless space -
except for me -
moves my mind,
more
and more,
with thoughts and things stronger than the wind.
But I pedal and let them blow,
and breathe in the night.

It is mine.

I am here.

Pulsing to a soundtrack of perfection.