I'm really frustrated.
It's the eve of my return home after 5 months of a semester exchange in Denmark...and I have no words.
I've actually been staring at this computer screen for more than an hour, typing, then backspacing, then adding a picture, then backspacing some more, then concluding to give up, then deciding to try again....
This is annoying!!! It's my last night in Denmark...my last night in EUROPE!!! My last sleep on this little bed, my last night in Skjoldhoj Kollegiet, the last Last LAst LAST. Surely a scenario as epic as this would inspire at least one poetic paragraph of ultimate summation.
Alas, "totally not", as Marieke would say.
See, I just did it again. Half-sentence deletion.
I want to sum up this adventure in one post that makes you say "YES" but I don't know how right now.
Hmmmmmm man. How to say what I feel...
It's 12:15 p.m.
I'm sitting on the floor with my laptop propped up on a red crate.
In 12 hours, I will be on a plane bound for Toronto.
My room is empty, and now my mind is too.
I am floating in disbelief.
I feel unbalanced.
I feel pangs of anxiety.
I want us to remember what this feels like...the vibe of Skjoldhoj as the sun is setting and how the sand felt on our feet at 2:00 in the afternoon heat.
I want us to remember the look of the ocean at Risskov, but I don't want to put an ocean between us.
I feel emotionless, yet emotional.
I crave Marije's picnic table and the presence of everyone who sat around it.
I feel weirdly blank.
Normally I would play thee most sentimental, heart-wrenching song for a post like this. But I just feel like silence.
I feel like a lonely banana.
I feel like I'm just staring at things, not really thinking or feeling anything, but at the same time, everything.
I remember the first night here, back in the Hotel Ritz with my Dad snoring across the room, not knowing how in the world I would make it to the end.
Somehow, here I am.
The time has come, the walrus said.
Goodnight, for the last time from Denmark.