Here I am in Canada and I feel so far away

WELL now.

After a 5-month adventure and a 9 hour-ish plane ride, I have returned to my homeland.

AND I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE!!!!!

Pssssshhhhhhh. Totally. Not. This picture pretty much captures how I feel right now, and how I felt the whole live-long day. I think I made every single flight attendant uncomfortable, since I was bawling every time they tried to serve me water. Really, if I cry anymore, I will probably turn into a shrivelled raisin.

Mind you, there were some beautiful points throughout the day.

It was SO good to see my sisters and my Dad after all this time being away, as well as one set of grandparents who came over for dinner. My friends Bobby and Natalie showed up at my door by surprise tonight, and it was nice to sit under a massively blossomed tree in my old backyard next to a bonfire.


My papa gave me a good laugh as well.

"Have you heard of that singer...Lady...Gaga?"

Love it.

"She doesn't have the prettiest derriera...not like your Nana's anyway!"

Ah, yes, I missed my grandparents :)

But I feel so far away from Arhus and I don't like it.

I just left it this morning - THIS morning - but Denmark and all it's memories are feeling more like a dream right now. While I've been gone and seen big chunks of the world, Georgetown has remained the same...almost painfully the same, which makes it hard to imagine that I've been gone for so long and experienced so much.

I went for a walk with my sisters after dinner, and we ran into someone I knew from highschool.

"How was Europe?!" he asked.

...I really don't even know how to respond to that. Maybe give me a week and I try and describe just a little piece of it.

"AH, man, it was AMAZING," I said. "...Where are you guys headed?"

"Hmmm, I don't know, maybe Tim Hortons."

But, of course.

Barf.

I want to wander to the Colliseum, not Tim's for a doughnut.

Also, the toilets are weird here. They take a long time to flush and there is so much water in the bowl.

And the outlets are 3-pronged.

The tap water tastes different.

They don't accept my kroners at Metro.

There is no cobblestone on the streets.

And Canada is annoyingly obnoxious. All the cars are big and loud and the grocery store aisles scream at you.

In Denmark, if Netto could speak, it would say, "This is what you need, so we'll just take the space we need to provide you with it."

Here, Metro would yell in your face, "TAKE ALL YOU WANT!!! SPEND MONEY ON NEEDLESS THINGS! AREN'T THESE AISLES RAVISHING AND ELEGANT???"

But what's most heart-wrenching is that Kristin, Marieke, Robert, Dave, Marije, Rui, Thorsten and a whole bunch of other amazing people are across the ocean. That makes me feel really sick. It's 4 in the morning there, but only 10 at night here. I feel like we're worlds away and I don't want memories to fade with this distance...

I was saying to my Mom while we were waiting in line at customs at the airport today that it's such a strange scenario: There I was in Denmark having thee best time of my life. I met people I really liked and I was genuinely happy. And then, all of a sudden life declares, "Now LEAVE! :D"

I know that's what life is, essentially. You meet people, you share rich experiences with one another, you grow, you learn, you laugh, you move on. But...WHY??? Why do we force ourselves to put an end to that type of happiness? I know that "real life" calls - like summer jobs and school obligations and previous routines - but why can't we just be brave and step out of that expected pattern of returning to them? Why can't we just be like, "CHYEA, let's keep this rad time GOING!"

Oh, man. This is life and what it does to you.

My "room" in this house looks like a tornado went through it.

I watched the TV group "farewell" video tonight (basically a 20-minute montage of the fantastical ridiculous-ness that are the internationals), and videos of us at the beach and in Slovakia. I craved to be back in that vibe.

I was happy with my family tonight, then unhappy again, then happy, then bewildered.

Where in the world am I???

It's so surreal to think that while I'm here baffled by life and being back in Canada, Arhus is still breathing back in Denmark. The buses will run the same way even with me here and people will still go on as they did today and last month and the months before.

Man...

I don't want to forget it...

but the good thing is that I think it would be impossible to.

I've been awake for a long time.

I'm going to bed on a mattress on the floor, but in my mind, I'm going to wake up in Skjoldhoj...

HOOOO, I wish that was the case.

That's ok. I've decided I will dream internationally instead.

It would be so nice to hear Marije bursting out into song in an editing room right now...

I want to be back on Risskov beach...

I miss you.

January 22, 2011

June 20, 2011